Sex Tips

5 sexy moves to add spice to your sex life tonight - Isiah McKimmie

5 sexy moves to add spice to your sex life tonight.....

There’s a common goal of couples I see in therapy - particularly women. They want more sex, but they also want the sex they’re having to be more playful, enjoyable and exciting.

Let’s be honest - over time, our sex lives can become a little… routine. We’re often tired and feel short on time when we get into bed. Children, responsibilities and a social life mean that spontaneous encounters become less frequent.

As familiarity develops with a partner, we can become shy about trying new things - or just forget to keep changing things up and experimenting.

We lose spark, spontaneity and desire.

We fall into a sex rut.

So how do we pull ourselves out and rekindle the excitement?

Regaining spark and spice doesn’t need to involve big changes - or wild experiments. Small things can help bring the variety, fun and playfulness back to your bedroom.

Here’s 5 to try tonight

1. Start with a full body massage

When practicing Tantric sex, we always begin with movement or touch to the entire body. Swapping a full body massage is a wonderful way to do this.

Bringing attention and awareness to the body helps us relax, get out of our heads and avoid distracting over-thinking - making us more likely to be in the moment and enjoy ourselves.

Massage or other forms of loving touch also support the body to release the bonding hormone oxytocin. This helps couples feel bonded and connected to each other and is vital to the production of lubrication in women.

Massage also increases the time we spend in foreplay which enhances pleasure, decreases the chance of pain during sex and increases our chance of reaching orgasm.

Mojoco Organic Massage Oil

Private Coconut Oil Lube - Can be used for genital and all over body massage

2. Pleasure yourself - for your lover

Our lovers love to see us enjoying ourselves.

Spice things up tonight by giving them a little show of your pleasure. Self-pleasure in an incredible, intimate, playful way to begin love-making.

Yes, it’s vulnerable, but that’s what makes it so beautifully intimate.

3. Use a vibrator on him during oral sex

The area between the testicles and the anus in men is known as the perineum and is particularly sensitive.

This is due to its connection to the prostate - similar to the G-Spot in women.

The prostate can be stimulated directly by internal anal stimulation, but external perineum stimulation can also pleasure this area.

You can stroke, use pressure, or even use a small, clitoral vibrator like the Je Joue Mimi Soft in this area as you give him a hand job or oral sex.

4. Stimulate your breasts during sex

Nipple stimulation activates the same areas of the brain as genital stimulation. Because of this, some women can orgasm through nipple stimulation alone.

In Tantra, the breasts and nipples also have significance due to their connection to both heart and sex.

Stimulating your breasts can add to your turn on and pleasure. It’s also a great visual show for your partner.

5. Gently play with his testicles during intercourse

The testicles can be a great source of pleasure for men but are often forgotten as attention goes to the shaft and head of the penis.

Add tickling, pressure, slight squeezing or pulling of the testicles to enhance his pleasure. The amount of pressure will vary from man to man, so make sure you check in to find out what he enjoys.

You can do this in numerous positions such as cowgirl or with him on top.

I promise you’ll thank us for these later.

Isiah McKimmie is a Couples Therapist, Sex Therapist, Sexologist + Coach who has been helping women and couples discover deeper intimacy and desire for over a decade.  Compassionate, understanding and absolutely non-judgemental, she’s built her reputation on getting results and helping her clients live happier lives.


International Parents Day - How to have a sex life once you become a parent

International Parents Day - How to have a sex life once you become a parent

There is no doubt that your sex life dramatically changes once you become a parent. Initially the hormones and lack of sleep are at fault and then the busyness of family life seems to take over and your sex life becomes bottom of the priority list.

What to do? Here are some ideas...

Place value on sex

This may sound a bit bizarre but unless you’re willing to change your thought patterns and give sex value it will always sit at the bottom of your list. Sex connects you and your partner. You are less snappy when those love hormones are zooming through your body. Sex breeds sex. The more you have the more you want. You will find you are more affectionate in general. Your kids will subconsciously notice this and feel more secure. See, it is important. Do it for the kids!

Schedule sex

Don’t pretend you are pre-kids and spontaneous sex is there for the taking most days. You need to put it in the diary. Ok so its not totally romantic but it can be quite fun. Build up the anticipation a bit. Take the time to send your partner a saucy message at lunchtime. Maybe buy some sexy lingerie.

Try new things

Be open to trying new things. Always communicate open and honestly with each other. Don’t get stuck in old habits just because they are exactly that old habits. Be a little adventurous. Maybe try a couples sex toy, sensual massage or a sex getaway!


kegel balls

What are Kegel Balls?

Let’s start with your kegel muscle (pubococcygeneus). You know that feeling when you really need to wee and you are holding on like mad. The kegel muscle is what is stopping you from urinating. Both men and women have kegel muscles but in this instance we are focusing on women. As we get older, have babies etc this muscle weakens and like every other muscle in our bodies we have to work to look after it, kegel balls help you to do this.

Listed below are some of the benefits of keeping your kegel muscle strong:

Sex first!

  • Increased sensitivity leading to more intense sexual arousal
  • Helps you reach an orgasm faster
  • Helps heighten sexual pleasure for both the female & male
  • Can even cause an erection of the clitoris (mmmm this sounds interesting we’ll get back to you with a blog on this topic)
  • And all of this will no doubt increase your SEX DRIVE

Other health benefits:

  • Improved control of your bladder
  • Helps make childbirth and recovery easier

The coolest thing about kegel balls is that they don’t require much effort. Once inserted your muscles do the work involuntarily. You are therefore exercising at your desk, or while cooking dinner or at the shops if you’re feeling daring.

Tip: If you’ve had a big session with your kegels you may want to allocate some special time in the day for self-pleasure or sex. They do tend to get the juices flowing.

Little fact: Kegel balls have been around since c.500AD.


Masturbation

Why Masturbation is Great For Your Sex Life

It seems there are a few damaging myths surrounding masturbation that need to be cleared up. The first myth is ‘If my partner masturbates, it means our sex life is inadequate’ and the second myth is ‘Masturbating means I won’t want sex with my partner because I will be ‘orgasmed out’.’ News flash; both of these myths are not true, in fact masturbation is a healthy and normal part of life and is a positive addition to any romantic relationship.

Self-love and self-care are an essential part of life, and masturbation is just that; a form of self-love and self-pleasure. Masturbation is sex with yourself and begins in utero. Yes, that’s right, we begin touching and pleasuring our genitals when we are in our mother’s womb!

Masturbation is essential because it gives us an opportunity to explore our own body and discover what truly turns us on. We learn how we like to be touched and pleasured and can then share that valuable knowledge with our sexual partners. After all, if we can’t pleasure ourselves, how can we expect our partners to know how to pleasure us?

If you are one of those people who have an issue with your partner self-pleasuring, it’s time to get over yourself. Honour your partner for taking the time out for self-love and self-pleasure. Your partner’s body is theirs, notyours, and they have every right to find pleasure within their own body. Masturbation can be in fact be a very sacred practice and is to be encouraged and respected.

If you think you will be ‘orgasmed’ out by ‘too much’ masturbation (therefore not wanting to have sex with your partner later on), think again. The more sex you have, the more sex you want. So, if you’re having sex with your self (aka masturbation), you’re allowing the sexual juices to flow and it’s a good indication that your mojo is healthy!

Regular masturbation is just as healthy and essential as regular partner sex. It’s time to let go of the negative stuff that surrounds masturbation when in relationship and instead foster the belief in our culture that it’s completely normal, healthy and natural.

Written By Sexologist Juliet Allen

Juliet-allanAbout Juliet

Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Sex Coach and Writer.  She has a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner which we love. Juliet is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true sexual nature and encourages everyone to explore and own their sexuality. Juliet Allen Website


How-to-Pleasure-the-woman-of-your-dreams

How To Pleasure The Woman Of Your Dreams

Women are a somewhat complicated species, right? I should know because I’ve dated women and wow, it gave me a really good insight into what men deal with on a daily basis. This is not to say we are not absolute f*cking Goddesses and deserve the utmost respect and love, ‘cos we do … but let’s be honest and acknowledge that men can’t always read our minds or our bodies. So, gentleman, here’s three simple pleasure tips that will go a long way next time you’re getting naked with the woman of your dreams:

#1 Be present with your woman

I know, I know, you were expecting a raunchy sex tip … but reality is us woman just LOVE a truly present man. A man who can sit in stillness and be completely present with himself and his woman. He can look her in the eye and feel comfortable holding her gaze. He’s genuinely interested in what she has to say and holds space for her to be true and vulnerable with her presence and words. Learning to be present and holding a healthy masculine energy is the first step to pleasuring the woman of your dreams. And when you learn to hold that healthy masculine energy, your woman will be able to surrender into her feminine (and this is when the magic happens).

#2 Go SLOW

And by slow, I mean super slow. Slow motion. One kiss at a time. Take the time to warm us up. Remember, unlike men, women need a lot of time to warm up before they can have a penis anywhere near their pussy. So I recommend teasing and tantalising your woman with kisses, gentle touch, firm touch, oral sex (but don’t go straight for the pussy, tease her with your tongue and make her beg for it), fingering etc etc. Do not enter a woman if she isn’t wet … keep it slow and tease her and before long she’s be begging for you to enter her.

#3 Give without expecting anything in return

That’s right gentleman, give to your woman without expecting anything in return. Worship her like a f*cking Goddess … worship her spirit, her body, her pussy, her everything. Remember to drop into your healthy masculine and she will surrender to your presence and your touch. Do not expect that ‘if I give her head, she’ll then give me head’ etc, instead simply pleasure her for the sake of pleasure’s sake and without attachment to outcomes or orgasm expectations. Enjoy pleasuring every little piece of her and she will love you for it. Trust me on this one.

Written By Sexologist Juliet Allen

Juliet-allanAbout Juliet

Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Sex Coach and Writer.  She has a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner which we love. Juliet is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true sexual nature and encourages everyone to explore and own their sexuality. Juliet Allen Website


female masturbation

Female Masturbation

Female masturbation, why is this still considered taboo? It seems that men are allowed to talk about masturbating from day dot but most women don’t feel comfortable to discuss it amongst good friends. Female masturbation is a must! Sexual pleasure should belong to the individual before it is shared.

Firstly, a bit of time studying our anatomy. See picture above.

A few friendly female masturbation tips to get you started:

Give it time – no pressure

Relax! That is part of the process. Don’t focus on the orgasm, enjoy all the pleasure you are feeling from the beginning of your session right through to the end. Practice makes perfect. You’ve got time on your side, you’re vulva isn’t going anywhere. Worship that body of yours!

Massage your entire body

Like doing exercise ‘warm up’ first. Get some organic massage oil and massage your whole body focusing particularly on your breasts, neck, buttocks and inner thighs. You’re essentially waking up your body. Try to turn off your mind and focus on the sensations. When you’re ready begin massaging your vulva (coconut oil lube is great for that). Don’t focus straight on your clit. Awaken the whole area which leads to my next point.

Sometime indirect is best

This is the definition of foreplay. Circle around the clit. Stroke your outer lips. Lightly touch your inner lips initiating desire. You want your body to be screaming out telling you to move those fingers inside your vagina towards your g-spot. Play, caress, indulge and enjoy.

Play out your wildest fantasy

Erotic fantasy. If you don’t have one, find one! Start reading some female focused erotica. Watch a favourite movie that always gets you a bit excited (e.g. Dirty Dancing) and imagine yourself in the lead role. Another fun activity is to grab a piece of paper, sit somewhere you feel happy and start writing. You’ll be surprised how easy it is and where you’ll end up.

When you have some inspiration ‘use it’ in your practice. Lose yourself in your desires. And do not under any circumstances feel guilty about it.

Here’s a link to an erotic fiction written by MOJOCO – Sex Getaway.

Vibration is call for sensation

Ok ok, so we sell vibrators but there is a reason for that. They’re fabulous! If you have never felt the sensation of vibration on your clit or g-spot get excited.

Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes with a motor that is true to its name as it produces vibrations. Most have an assortment of settings that vary the vibration speed and pattern as well as what part of the toy is active.

Remember play first and move towards direct stimulation.

For clitoral stimulation.

For g-spot stimulation.

For dual stimulation.

Check out our MOJOCO’S quality adult toy standards

For more great info on masturbation please read our blog written by Sexologist Juliet Allen on ‘Why Masturbation Is Good For Your Sex Life’ and ‘Mutual Masturbation


Oral sex

How To Be The King Or Queen Of Oral Sex

Oral sex is loved, and hated, by many. Some people enjoy oral sex and want it all the time, others don’t like it and avoid giving and/or receiving it at all costs. Reality is it’s ok either way, because sex is super personal and you’ve gotta be doing what feels right for you! Today though, I’m going to give some hot tips on how to give great oral sex, because let’s face it, there’s always room for improvement.

#1 Start slow and let yourself linger. Create Anticipation

We all love to be teased and there’s nothing better than a good lead up to the main course. Begin slowly and don’t rush. Kiss, lick and stroke every little inch of skin with your mouth, tongue and hands … take your time and be really present. Notice the taste of your lover and tell him/her how good it feels to be pleasuring them. Slowly, slowly, slowly!

#2 Make some sounds

If you are genuinely enjoying giving oral sex, show your lover by adding in some moaning and groaning. As you take them into your mouth allow sound to vibrate from your mouth onto their genitals. Making sound will turn your lover on and most likely turn you on too.

#3 Let go of the end goal of orgasm

You heard correct, don’t give oral sex with the intention of giving him/her an orgasm! People seem to put so much pressure on themselves to ‘give’ their partner an orgasm, instead of enjoying every single moment and every single lick, kiss and touch. If you focus on orgasm, you’re not in the present moment. So be present, let go of orgasm expectations, and instead just go with the flow of what feels right at the time.

#4 Take control

There’s nothing sexier than a lover who takes control and really loves what they are doing. Yes, ask your partner what they want and what feels good, but don’t be afraid to own how much you LOVE giving oral sex and take control over how you want to give it.

 

Juliet-allan

About Juliet

Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Sex Coach and Writer.  She has a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner which we love. Juliet is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true sexual nature and encourages everyone to explore and own their sexuality. Juliet Allen Website


Mutual masturbation

Mutual Masturbation 101: A Guide For Lovers & Self-Pleasure Enthusiasts

Mutual masturbation is when two people masturbate in each other’s presence. Perhaps you are both positioned on opposite sides of the room, or you’re alongside each other kissing, or you’re on opposite sides of the world, watching and listening via a screen. It doesn’t matter how you choose to do it, what matters is that you experience and embrace mutual masturbation as a regular practice with your lover/s.

Mutual masturbation can be a huge turn on for all people involved (because let’s face it, there can always be more than two people involved, if you’re into that). Here’s a few tips on how to make it the hottest experience possible:

Firstly, make sure everyone involved loves solo masturbation

To be completely comfortable with mutual masturbation, you must first be super comfortable with solo self-pleasure. Practice self-pleasure alone until you are really comfortable and at ease with your own body and touch. This will ensure you are 100% comfortable being watched, plus you’ll be more comfortable watching your lover/s get all hot and heavy with themselves.

Set boundaries

Perhaps all your lover wants tonight is mutual masturbation. So, communicate prior if you want to leave it at just that. Mutual masturbation is often a good compromise if you’re not up for partner sex, or if you’re tired and just want to self-pleasure and got to sleep. Be open and honest with your lover and respect each other’s wishes and desires.

Take the focus off orgasm and into pure self-pleasure

We often get caught up in goal-oriented masturbation (masturbating to reach climax). Slow it right now, enjoy every single little touch and make love to yourself just how you want your lover to make love to you. It’s amazing what can happen when we slow down and let go of having to have a ‘release’.

Incorporate Pussy & Cock Massage

Make sure you have organic coconut oil handy, pour some into your hands and lather it all over you. Give yourself an intimate loving massage and enjoy being watched. Massage is a beautiful intimate self-pleasure practice that gives us the opportunity to relax into our own touch and pleasure.

Mojoco has a beautiful range of self-pleasure products.

Clitoral Stimulators

Dual Stimulators

G-Spot Vibrators

Juliet-allan

About Juliet

Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Sex Coach and Writer.  She has a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner which we love. Juliet is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true sexual nature and encourages everyone to explore and own their sexuality. Juliet Allen Website


Magical getaway with partner

Manifest A Magical Sex Getaway & Revive Your Sex Life

Sex Getaway – Close your eyes for a moment and imagine being in a magical paradise getaway with your lover. Feel the crisp white king bed sheets against your naked skin, the scent of the ocean kissing the air, the spa bath in the corner slowly filling up with oil and bubbles. Feels really damn sexy, right? It feels that way because it is, and I’m a big believer that we all need magical sex getaways in our life to spice things up.

 

So why and how is a getaway so important (especially for couples in long-term relationships)? Well, getaways force us to leave our bubble at home and take time out to be pampered and waited on in beautiful hotels/resorts/tree houses (whatever floats your boat). When we leave the ‘bubble’, we leave our work and family worries behind, and we fully immerse ourselves in a space of pure presence and pleasure with our lovers.

 

So, what are the key ingredients to a magical sex getaway, and how can they revive our sex lives?

 

Find a luxury hotel and get the best room in the house

 

Leave the camping for another weekend, it’s time to ramp it up and treat yourself to something a little more ‘5 Star’. There’s nothing hotter than a big king bed with fresh white sheets … you can’t help but want to f*ck in a room like that! These type of hotel rooms are made for great sex!

 

Pack massage oil, bubble bath & chocolate

 

I recommend Mojoco’s organic massage oil, it is mixed with the perfect combination of essential oils, the ultimate mix for a sensual massage! And don’t forget the bubble bath, or you can use the oil which is also great in the bath (yes, you MUST book a room with a big bath). And then there’s the chocolate. Chocolate and red wine. Mmmmmmmmmm. Pamper each other and treat your lover to gentle  touch and pleasure.

 

Leave the laptop at home, and ban phones

 

It’s so easy to get caught up in work emails and social media these days … it’s literally at the tip of our fingers. It’s time to leave all that stuff at home and commit to a couple of nights without it. This will allow you to be really present with your lover, and presence is essential for hot love making.

 

Private – Coconut Oil Lubricant – great for sensual massage.

 

Juliet-allan

About Juliet

Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Sex Coach and Writer.  She has a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner which we love. Juliet is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true sexual nature and encourages everyone to explore and own their sexuality. Juliet Allen Website


Couple gazing into each other's eyes

How To Fu*k Strangers With Your Eyes … And Other Magical Sex Tricks

There’s a myth in our culture that sex always begins with foreplay, and ends with penetration and orgasm (aka the ‘Genital Sneeze’). And hey, I’m definitely not against this particular style of one-off sex with someone I’ve just met. But there’s another style of sex that seems to fly under the radar, the kind of sex that blows your mind and takes your consciousness to places you’ve never been before … I like to think of it as energetic, non-penetrative eye-fu*king … with someone you don’t know … but feel like you’ve known all your life.

 

For those of you who have never experienced this with a stranger, it goes a little something like this: firstly, you and your counterpart instantly feel that ‘something’ that draws you to each other … it’s like a magnetic sexual cosmic pull that’s intense from the moment you meet. The sexual chemistry is unashamedly there in all it’s glory and the energy between you both is like a bomb exploding inside your mind and body. Oh, and I refer to the connection as ‘cosmic’, because often it’s not always just your sex centre speaking, it’s your heart and your consciousness saying a ‘holy hell yes, yes, yes’ to that person.

 

So you meet with your eyes, and instantly the charge is there. It’s a deep knowing, there’s no need for words or introductions … it’s a magical something that occurs when your eyes connect and you know that you want each other. And so the dance begins. The energy magically shifts and you connect and exchange sexual energy … solely with your eyes and your breathing generic name for cialis. No touching, no penetration … just eye gazing, breathing deeply and energetically exchanging sexual energy.

 

Some of you reading this will know exactly what I’m speaking of, and others may thinking I’m on a different planet. But eye-fu*king is a real thing, I promise. I know, because I’ve experienced it, and it’s by far one of the most powerful and transformative sexual experiences I’ve ever had … and the best part of it is I’ve literally eye-f*cked my way to orgasm, with no touching at all.

 

So, how do you experience the power of this with a stranger? Well, it’s definitely not something you can plan … I believe that if it’s meant to happen, the Universe will move mountains to bring you into presence with your ideal eye-fucking partner … and from there it’s over to you both to experience. My only tip is that you don’t resist it if it happens … allow yourself to fully feel into the sensation, trust the power of your eyes and breath, and remember you may never see this person again, so make the most of the powerful moment together.

 

Juliet-allan

About Juliet

Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Sex Coach and Writer.  She has a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner which we love. Juliet is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true sexual nature and encourages everyone to explore and own their sexuality. Juliet Allen Website


Woman in lingerie

How To Keep Your Mojo Alive On A Daily Basis

 

It’s the silent epidemic that most of will suffer from at some stage in our lives; loss of our mojo (aka sex drive). It’s a killer, especially when we are head over heels in love with our partner, and yet something in our mind and body clicks, and all-of-a-sudden we are literally sexless.

 

So, how do we keep our mojo alive on a daily basis? Well to be honest I think it’s completely normal and natural not to want sex every day, but I also think it’s not too big an ask to want to at least feel sexual daily (even if we don’t engage in the actual physical sex). Here’s a few simple ways you can do that:

 

Embrace your sexuality & deal with shame and guilt

 

We all carry shame and guilt surrounding our sexuality and drive for sex … but it’s now time to face the stuff that gets in the way of you feeling sexually empowered. This may mean heading to a sexuality coach or therapist, or chatting to your friends about how you are feeling. Shame and guilt can have a huge effect on the way we view sex and the depth to which we enjoy sex with our partner. It’s time to dive deep into your internal world and let go of limiting belief systems that you’ve possibly been carrying since childhood.

 

Look after your physical and mental health

 

If you’re feeling overweight and sluggish the last thing you’ll feel like doing is engaging in sex. Eat clean, this means choosing fresh fruit and vegetables, drinking plenty of water, avoiding excessive drinking and substances and exercising at least five times a week. Take care of your body and your appearance! Our mental health and physical health is intertwined, so make sure you’re looking after your mental health by talking about how you are feeling and not pushing down emotion.

 

Prioritise Sex

 

So many of us live busy lives and use the ‘busy’ excuse not to have sex. I don’t care how busy you are, sex has to be your priority and it’s so vital for connection when you’re in a committed relationship. Stop using the ‘busy’ excuse and make time for your lover!

 

Eat Maca

 

Maca is my secret superfood sex weapon! Known as ‘nature’s viagra’ this powerful root from the Amazon magically increases libido and vaginal lubrication. It’s also known to help men with erectile challenges. Buy Maca capsules or powder from your local health food store.

 

Juliet-allan

About Juliet

Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Sex Coach and Writer.  She has a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner which we love. Juliet is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true sexual nature and encourages everyone to explore and own their sexuality. Juliet Allen Website


Woman experiencing an orgasm

What To Do When You Can’t Have An Orgasm - Isiah McKimmie

Orgasms are awesome! Except when we’re not having them. Then orgasms are frustrating and disappointing.

 

It’s likely we would all want better sex and more orgasms if we thought it was possible.

 

So what can you do if you’re not able to reach orgasm on a regular basis - or even at all?

 

First, let’s look at some stats. It might seem like you’re the only one in the world not having orgasmic sex, but it’s important to know that you’re not alone.

 

  • 30% of women struggle to reach orgasm on a regular basis.
  • 10% of sexually active women have never had an orgasm at all.

 

If we believe popular culture and porn, we get the impression that women orgasm quickly, easily and loudly.

 

But this just isn’t true.

 

Orgasms for women can be more complicated that we’re led to believe and there are a number of things that can impact our ability to have an orgasm.

 

 Here are some of the most common reasons women fail to reach orgasm:

 

      • Not enough time spent in foreplay
      • Subconscious negative beliefs around sex
      • Lack of good sex education
      • Poor sexual communication
      • Underlying relationship challenges
      • Being tired or stressed
      • Prescribed medications or alcohol

 

It’s important to know that just because you’ve never had an orgasm, it doesn’t mean you never will.

 

We can all learn to have orgasms more frequently, reliably and enjoyably. We often just need the right information and a bit of guidance.

 

Of course, sex doesn’t need to end in orgasm to be enjoyable, satisfying and loving, but I’m sure we’d all like to experience sex climaxing to orgasm sometimes.

 

Here are some things to try when you can’t or struggle to reach orgasm

 

1. Shift your Mindset

 

Examine any underlying beliefs you might have about sex and your right to enjoy it that may have been influenced by your family, culture or religion.

 

Remind yourself that you DESERVE to enjoy yourself.

 

2. Get good sex education

 

Educate yourself on how women’s bodies function sexually. There is a lot to learn and often we aren’t taught effectively or we miss out on important information.

 

Develop realistic ideas of what orgasm ‘should’ or will feel like - orgasms feel different to everyone and can sometimes be small. Women orgasm in a variety of different ways.

 

3. Learn what you like 

 

Take your time exploring what feels good for you. Everybody is different.

 

Try to let go of the focus on orgasm and instead just focus on pleasure. It’s about the journey, not the destination.

 

Remember to let you partner know what you enjoy too. Communication really is key when it comes to having great sex.

 

4. Take your time

 

It takes women’s bodies time to fully prepare for sex. When you are having sex, make sure you’re spending at least 15 minutes in foreplay to increase your chances of reaching orgasm.

 

5. Experiment with toys 

 

Vibrators can be a great help in learning to orgasm - or having an orgasm with a partner more often.

 

I regularly direct my clients to Mojoco toys to try out in combination with the work we’re doing in coaching.

 

A clitoral vibrator like Je Joue Mimi used during penetration sex with a partner is a great way to increase the likelihood of reaching orgasm.

 

6. Get support

 

Relationship Coaching and Sex Therapy has been shown to be 90% effective in helping women reach orgasm for the first time. If you are struggling to reach orgasm on a regular basis, a therapist or coach can help you work through hurdles and give you practical tips for moving forward.

 

A struggle to reach orgasm really can bring you and your partner closer together as you explore, experiment, and communicate with each other.

 

resized-bio-imageIsiah McKimmie

Isiah is a Relationship Therapist, Sexologist and Tantra Teacher passionate about helping women and couples embrace wholehearted sexuality and ignite deeper intimacy in their lives. Isiah offer Sex and Relationship Coaching in Sydney and via Skype. Visit her website to find out more and download her free ebook for couples.

Isiah McKimmie Website

 


Introducing sex toys

How To Introduce Sex Toys To Your Relationship - Isiah McKimmie

Introducing sex toys to your relationship can be a beautiful way to increase intimacy, passion and connection.

 

Although, it can also be a little daunting and intimidating the first time.

 

Whilst research has shown both men and women mostly have very favourable attitudes to sex toys, it’s common to feel nervous about suggesting their use to a partner.

 

  • You may worry that your partner will feel pressured and shut down.
  • You may worry they will feel intimidated or that they’re being replaced by a toy.
  • Or you may just feel a little apprehensive or embarrassed.

 

I once had a client tell me that he’d spent hundreds of dollars on buying sex toys for his partner, but hadn’t actually spoken to her about it. The toys ended up sitting in a drawer for two years because neither of them knew how to introduce them to the relationship.

 

When you have good quality toys such as brands Mojoco stock, sitting in a drawer because you’re not sure how to use them together, it might be time to reach out and get some advice.

 

Here are some tips to help you introduce sex toys to your relationship.

 

1. Communication is KEY 

 

Talk to your partner pre-sexy time about what you want.

 

Offer lots of appreciation and reassurance about your current sex life. Make it clear that you love the sex life and intimacy you share together now. Let your partner know that this is not about them or your sex life being inadequate. Adding sex toys are really about making things even better, and exploring something new together.

 

Your timing for this conversation is important. Make sure you have sufficient time and privacy - and if they’re not in the mood to talk about it, allow them the option of talking at another time.

 

Share your reasons for wanting to introduce toys in a clear and positive way. You can try something like:

 

“I’ve been thinking that it might be exciting to experiment with a vibrator. I’m wondering if this is something you would be open to?”

 

“I heard about a new website selling sex toys the other day. I thought that trying something like that might be really fun for us. Would you be interested in that too?”

 

Openly listen to your partner’s feelings and opinions about it too.

 

2. Explore together 

 

Together, look at sex toys you might like to experiment with. Jointly shopping for the right toy to use can be a beautiful way to deepen your intimacy and connection.

 

Invite your partner to look over the Mojoco's website with you, while discussing the toys that you like the look of and those you might be unsure about.

 

3. Start slowly and use it together

 

Start with a toy that you both feel comfortable with and that can be easily incorporated into your current love making.

 

A toy that is easily used by the two of you together like the We-Vibe or a clitoral vibrator can be a good introduction. It can be added into your love-making at leisure and gives pleasure to both of you.

 

Remember that toys will be more enjoyable and effective when you have a great relationship outside of the bedroom too. Keep focusing on making an effort and building intimacy in all areas of your relationship so it really thrives.

 

 

About Isiah Mresized-bio-imagecKimmie

Isiah is a Relationship Therapist, Sexologist and Tantra Teacher passionate about helping women and couples embrace wholehearted sexuality and ignite deeper intimacy in their lives. Isiah offer Sex and Relationship Coaching in Sydney and via Skype. Visit her website to find out more and download her free ebook for couples.

Isiah McKimmie Website