Relationships

5 sexy moves to add spice to your sex life tonight - Isiah McKimmie

5 sexy moves to add spice to your sex life tonight.....

There’s a common goal of couples I see in therapy - particularly women. They want more sex, but they also want the sex they’re having to be more playful, enjoyable and exciting.

Let’s be honest - over time, our sex lives can become a little… routine. We’re often tired and feel short on time when we get into bed. Children, responsibilities and a social life mean that spontaneous encounters become less frequent.

As familiarity develops with a partner, we can become shy about trying new things - or just forget to keep changing things up and experimenting.

We lose spark, spontaneity and desire.

We fall into a sex rut.

So how do we pull ourselves out and rekindle the excitement?

Regaining spark and spice doesn’t need to involve big changes - or wild experiments. Small things can help bring the variety, fun and playfulness back to your bedroom.

Here’s 5 to try tonight

1. Start with a full body massage

When practicing Tantric sex, we always begin with movement or touch to the entire body. Swapping a full body massage is a wonderful way to do this.

Bringing attention and awareness to the body helps us relax, get out of our heads and avoid distracting over-thinking - making us more likely to be in the moment and enjoy ourselves.

Massage or other forms of loving touch also support the body to release the bonding hormone oxytocin. This helps couples feel bonded and connected to each other and is vital to the production of lubrication in women.

Massage also increases the time we spend in foreplay which enhances pleasure, decreases the chance of pain during sex and increases our chance of reaching orgasm.

Mojoco Organic Massage Oil

Private Coconut Oil Lube - Can be used for genital and all over body massage

2. Pleasure yourself - for your lover

Our lovers love to see us enjoying ourselves.

Spice things up tonight by giving them a little show of your pleasure. Self-pleasure in an incredible, intimate, playful way to begin love-making.

Yes, it’s vulnerable, but that’s what makes it so beautifully intimate.

3. Use a vibrator on him during oral sex

The area between the testicles and the anus in men is known as the perineum and is particularly sensitive.

This is due to its connection to the prostate - similar to the G-Spot in women.

The prostate can be stimulated directly by internal anal stimulation, but external perineum stimulation can also pleasure this area.

You can stroke, use pressure, or even use a small, clitoral vibrator like the Je Joue Mimi Soft in this area as you give him a hand job or oral sex.

4. Stimulate your breasts during sex

Nipple stimulation activates the same areas of the brain as genital stimulation. Because of this, some women can orgasm through nipple stimulation alone.

In Tantra, the breasts and nipples also have significance due to their connection to both heart and sex.

Stimulating your breasts can add to your turn on and pleasure. It’s also a great visual show for your partner.

5. Gently play with his testicles during intercourse

The testicles can be a great source of pleasure for men but are often forgotten as attention goes to the shaft and head of the penis.

Add tickling, pressure, slight squeezing or pulling of the testicles to enhance his pleasure. The amount of pressure will vary from man to man, so make sure you check in to find out what he enjoys.

You can do this in numerous positions such as cowgirl or with him on top.

I promise you’ll thank us for these later.

Isiah McKimmie is a Couples Therapist, Sex Therapist, Sexologist + Coach who has been helping women and couples discover deeper intimacy and desire for over a decade.  Compassionate, understanding and absolutely non-judgemental, she’s built her reputation on getting results and helping her clients live happier lives.


International Parents Day - How to have a sex life once you become a parent

International Parents Day - How to have a sex life once you become a parent

There is no doubt that your sex life dramatically changes once you become a parent. Initially the hormones and lack of sleep are at fault and then the busyness of family life seems to take over and your sex life becomes bottom of the priority list.

What to do? Here are some ideas...

Place value on sex

This may sound a bit bizarre but unless you’re willing to change your thought patterns and give sex value it will always sit at the bottom of your list. Sex connects you and your partner. You are less snappy when those love hormones are zooming through your body. Sex breeds sex. The more you have the more you want. You will find you are more affectionate in general. Your kids will subconsciously notice this and feel more secure. See, it is important. Do it for the kids!

Schedule sex

Don’t pretend you are pre-kids and spontaneous sex is there for the taking most days. You need to put it in the diary. Ok so its not totally romantic but it can be quite fun. Build up the anticipation a bit. Take the time to send your partner a saucy message at lunchtime. Maybe buy some sexy lingerie.

Try new things

Be open to trying new things. Always communicate open and honestly with each other. Don’t get stuck in old habits just because they are exactly that old habits. Be a little adventurous. Maybe try a couples sex toy, sensual massage or a sex getaway!


Masturbation

Why Masturbation is Great For Your Sex Life

It seems there are a few damaging myths surrounding masturbation that need to be cleared up. The first myth is ‘If my partner masturbates, it means our sex life is inadequate’ and the second myth is ‘Masturbating means I won’t want sex with my partner because I will be ‘orgasmed out’.’ News flash; both of these myths are not true, in fact masturbation is a healthy and normal part of life and is a positive addition to any romantic relationship.

Self-love and self-care are an essential part of life, and masturbation is just that; a form of self-love and self-pleasure. Masturbation is sex with yourself and begins in utero. Yes, that’s right, we begin touching and pleasuring our genitals when we are in our mother’s womb!

Masturbation is essential because it gives us an opportunity to explore our own body and discover what truly turns us on. We learn how we like to be touched and pleasured and can then share that valuable knowledge with our sexual partners. After all, if we can’t pleasure ourselves, how can we expect our partners to know how to pleasure us?

If you are one of those people who have an issue with your partner self-pleasuring, it’s time to get over yourself. Honour your partner for taking the time out for self-love and self-pleasure. Your partner’s body is theirs, notyours, and they have every right to find pleasure within their own body. Masturbation can be in fact be a very sacred practice and is to be encouraged and respected.

If you think you will be ‘orgasmed’ out by ‘too much’ masturbation (therefore not wanting to have sex with your partner later on), think again. The more sex you have, the more sex you want. So, if you’re having sex with your self (aka masturbation), you’re allowing the sexual juices to flow and it’s a good indication that your mojo is healthy!

Regular masturbation is just as healthy and essential as regular partner sex. It’s time to let go of the negative stuff that surrounds masturbation when in relationship and instead foster the belief in our culture that it’s completely normal, healthy and natural.

Written By Sexologist Juliet Allen

Juliet-allanAbout Juliet

Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Sex Coach and Writer.  She has a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner which we love. Juliet is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true sexual nature and encourages everyone to explore and own their sexuality. Juliet Allen Website


Oral sex

How To Be The King Or Queen Of Oral Sex

Oral sex is loved, and hated, by many. Some people enjoy oral sex and want it all the time, others don’t like it and avoid giving and/or receiving it at all costs. Reality is it’s ok either way, because sex is super personal and you’ve gotta be doing what feels right for you! Today though, I’m going to give some hot tips on how to give great oral sex, because let’s face it, there’s always room for improvement.

#1 Start slow and let yourself linger. Create Anticipation

We all love to be teased and there’s nothing better than a good lead up to the main course. Begin slowly and don’t rush. Kiss, lick and stroke every little inch of skin with your mouth, tongue and hands … take your time and be really present. Notice the taste of your lover and tell him/her how good it feels to be pleasuring them. Slowly, slowly, slowly!

#2 Make some sounds

If you are genuinely enjoying giving oral sex, show your lover by adding in some moaning and groaning. As you take them into your mouth allow sound to vibrate from your mouth onto their genitals. Making sound will turn your lover on and most likely turn you on too.

#3 Let go of the end goal of orgasm

You heard correct, don’t give oral sex with the intention of giving him/her an orgasm! People seem to put so much pressure on themselves to ‘give’ their partner an orgasm, instead of enjoying every single moment and every single lick, kiss and touch. If you focus on orgasm, you’re not in the present moment. So be present, let go of orgasm expectations, and instead just go with the flow of what feels right at the time.

#4 Take control

There’s nothing sexier than a lover who takes control and really loves what they are doing. Yes, ask your partner what they want and what feels good, but don’t be afraid to own how much you LOVE giving oral sex and take control over how you want to give it.

 

Juliet-allan

About Juliet

Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Sex Coach and Writer.  She has a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner which we love. Juliet is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true sexual nature and encourages everyone to explore and own their sexuality. Juliet Allen Website


casual sex vs long term relationships

Casual Sex Vs. Long Term Relationships: Is One Better Than The Other?

Is there a right or wrong way to relate sexually? Is there a right or wrong way to be in intimate relationship with others? The answer is no. There’s no rights and wrongs, there’s only what feels right for you.

Let’s be honest, what feels right for you may not look like a traditional long-term monogamous relationship. It may feel better to be in a string of casual love affairs, or a polyamorous relationship, whereby you have more than one intimate partner, or perhaps you want to marry and settle down forever? Whatever it is you want and desire, you can have it, and you are worthy of it.

Today I’m focusing on ‘casual sex’ vs ‘long term relationships’, because these are two situations most of us are familiar with and often we can get caught up in the ‘should I commit, or should I just enjoy being single?’ conundrum.

Casual sex is when people sleep together and enjoy intimacy and sex, but with no strings attached. This can definitely work, but I believe it can only be a healthy experience if both people are honest about what they want. A casual sex setup can be a whole lot of fun, because it basically means you meet up, no strings attached, enjoy each other’s company, enjoy sex … and then continue on with life without the commitment of relationship.

Where casual sex can go pear shaped is when there’s no clear communication about expectations … so what often happens is one person gets attached, and the other doesn’t want the commitment. So there’s possibility for a little heartache if there’s an imbalance with what both people want and feel. But on the other hand, casual sex can turn into a beautiful love between two people, and often the most casual situations have evolved into beautiful relationships.

The there’s the long term monogamous relationship. Two people who come together and agree that they love and adore each other enough to commit to just being with each other. This is the most common way of negotiating relationship and I believe it can be a chance for the biggest growth as individuals. Don’t get me wrong, long term monogamous relationships are often challenging, because unlike casual sex, we spend a whole lot more time together, and so our ‘stuff’ comes up and we are forced to deal with our shit so that we can make the relationship work. Long term relationships are beautiful and ultimately being ‘chosen’ by our partner is what we all yearn for at some stage in our lives.

So, is there one better than the other? No. My suggestion is that you feel into what’s right for you … this comes with experiencing both situations and getting an idea of what you want. You may find that what you thought you wanted will change … perhaps you thought you wanted casual sex, but now you want a relationship with that person. Or you wanted the relationship, and now you’re thinking about sex with other people. Whatever the situation, embrace it, and know that you are not alone in this journey.

Juliet-allan

About Juliet

Juliet-allanJuliet Allen is a Sexologist, Sex Coach and Writer. She has a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner which we love. Juliet is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true sexual nature and encourages everyone to explore and own their sexuality. Juliet Allen Website


Sex After Marriage - Is It Different?

The act of marriage as in the actual process will not alter your sex life but changes in your life will. So it really depends on how marriage changes your life. For some life may continue much the same as it did before but for others it might be the beginning of living under the same roof which would clearly impact your intimacy.

 

Traditionally marriage signifies a life commitment, usually in a monogamous relationship. Perhaps this commitment will provide a deeper connection that will have you acting as if you’ve just met your partner. On the other hand you may feel a bit daunted by the enormity of sex with one person forever in which you might start examining your sex life a little more.

 

Whatever the change in your sex life you can be sure it will change again. This is why it is so important to COMMUNICATE! Why is it that we can talk about almost anything with our partners except the most intimate thing we do together? Most likely out of love. We don’t want to offend our partners or for them to feel inadequate in any way.

 

Although that first conversion may be a little uncomfortable it is absolutely for the greater good of your relationship. Instead of focusing on how you’ve always done things create a space where you talk about the future of your sex life. As you grow older and change let your sex life evolve too. Take sex for the ride!

 

Did you know that the second highest reason (behind finances) for relationship breakdown is sexual dissatisfaction? What does this mean? In essence embrace sex as an integral part of your marriage. Be open to talking about it. Changes in your body and hormones over time will have you wanting different things. Try new things. Read, explore, get an adult toy and have some fun.

 

Check out Mojoco Shop for more ideas!

 


Magical getaway with partner

Manifest A Magical Sex Getaway & Revive Your Sex Life

Sex Getaway – Close your eyes for a moment and imagine being in a magical paradise getaway with your lover. Feel the crisp white king bed sheets against your naked skin, the scent of the ocean kissing the air, the spa bath in the corner slowly filling up with oil and bubbles. Feels really damn sexy, right? It feels that way because it is, and I’m a big believer that we all need magical sex getaways in our life to spice things up.

 

So why and how is a getaway so important (especially for couples in long-term relationships)? Well, getaways force us to leave our bubble at home and take time out to be pampered and waited on in beautiful hotels/resorts/tree houses (whatever floats your boat). When we leave the ‘bubble’, we leave our work and family worries behind, and we fully immerse ourselves in a space of pure presence and pleasure with our lovers.

 

So, what are the key ingredients to a magical sex getaway, and how can they revive our sex lives?

 

Find a luxury hotel and get the best room in the house

 

Leave the camping for another weekend, it’s time to ramp it up and treat yourself to something a little more ‘5 Star’. There’s nothing hotter than a big king bed with fresh white sheets … you can’t help but want to f*ck in a room like that! These type of hotel rooms are made for great sex!

 

Pack massage oil, bubble bath & chocolate

 

I recommend Mojoco’s organic massage oil, it is mixed with the perfect combination of essential oils, the ultimate mix for a sensual massage! And don’t forget the bubble bath, or you can use the oil which is also great in the bath (yes, you MUST book a room with a big bath). And then there’s the chocolate. Chocolate and red wine. Mmmmmmmmmm. Pamper each other and treat your lover to gentle  touch and pleasure.

 

Leave the laptop at home, and ban phones

 

It’s so easy to get caught up in work emails and social media these days … it’s literally at the tip of our fingers. It’s time to leave all that stuff at home and commit to a couple of nights without it. This will allow you to be really present with your lover, and presence is essential for hot love making.

 

Private – Coconut Oil Lubricant – great for sensual massage.

 

Juliet-allan

About Juliet

Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Sex Coach and Writer.  She has a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner which we love. Juliet is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true sexual nature and encourages everyone to explore and own their sexuality. Juliet Allen Website


Introducing sex toys

How To Introduce Sex Toys To Your Relationship - Isiah McKimmie

Introducing sex toys to your relationship can be a beautiful way to increase intimacy, passion and connection.

 

Although, it can also be a little daunting and intimidating the first time.

 

Whilst research has shown both men and women mostly have very favourable attitudes to sex toys, it’s common to feel nervous about suggesting their use to a partner.

 

  • You may worry that your partner will feel pressured and shut down.
  • You may worry they will feel intimidated or that they’re being replaced by a toy.
  • Or you may just feel a little apprehensive or embarrassed.

 

I once had a client tell me that he’d spent hundreds of dollars on buying sex toys for his partner, but hadn’t actually spoken to her about it. The toys ended up sitting in a drawer for two years because neither of them knew how to introduce them to the relationship.

 

When you have good quality toys such as brands Mojoco stock, sitting in a drawer because you’re not sure how to use them together, it might be time to reach out and get some advice.

 

Here are some tips to help you introduce sex toys to your relationship.

 

1. Communication is KEY 

 

Talk to your partner pre-sexy time about what you want.

 

Offer lots of appreciation and reassurance about your current sex life. Make it clear that you love the sex life and intimacy you share together now. Let your partner know that this is not about them or your sex life being inadequate. Adding sex toys are really about making things even better, and exploring something new together.

 

Your timing for this conversation is important. Make sure you have sufficient time and privacy - and if they’re not in the mood to talk about it, allow them the option of talking at another time.

 

Share your reasons for wanting to introduce toys in a clear and positive way. You can try something like:

 

“I’ve been thinking that it might be exciting to experiment with a vibrator. I’m wondering if this is something you would be open to?”

 

“I heard about a new website selling sex toys the other day. I thought that trying something like that might be really fun for us. Would you be interested in that too?”

 

Openly listen to your partner’s feelings and opinions about it too.

 

2. Explore together 

 

Together, look at sex toys you might like to experiment with. Jointly shopping for the right toy to use can be a beautiful way to deepen your intimacy and connection.

 

Invite your partner to look over the Mojoco's website with you, while discussing the toys that you like the look of and those you might be unsure about.

 

3. Start slowly and use it together

 

Start with a toy that you both feel comfortable with and that can be easily incorporated into your current love making.

 

A toy that is easily used by the two of you together like the We-Vibe or a clitoral vibrator can be a good introduction. It can be added into your love-making at leisure and gives pleasure to both of you.

 

Remember that toys will be more enjoyable and effective when you have a great relationship outside of the bedroom too. Keep focusing on making an effort and building intimacy in all areas of your relationship so it really thrives.

 

 

About Isiah Mresized-bio-imagecKimmie

Isiah is a Relationship Therapist, Sexologist and Tantra Teacher passionate about helping women and couples embrace wholehearted sexuality and ignite deeper intimacy in their lives. Isiah offer Sex and Relationship Coaching in Sydney and via Skype. Visit her website to find out more and download her free ebook for couples.

Isiah McKimmie Website

 


Men's sexual health

Who Would Have Thought All Males Are So Sensitive?

Summarised by MOJOCO from Ian Kerner’s Passionista

 

Most of us, Men included, consider the male sexual organs to be limited to the penis head and shaft but there’s so much more to know and involve!

 

The head/glans is the focus of most bloke’s masturbation but it’s these bad habits of racing to orgasm that’s a leading contributor of premature ejaculation being 3 times more prevalent in males than erectile disorder. Women also often don’t appreciate the sensitivity of this region, especially after orgasm or the early stages of arousal, which is equivalent to their clitoris. The fellatio complaints of men are not dissimilar to those of women, along the lines of too rough, too fast, too much focus on the head etc.

 

Both sexes therefore have much to learn about all parts of the male sexual organs to truly unlock all the potential, including the:

 

  • Glans: from the ridge of the corona to the underside of the frenulum (which many men co
    nsider their “sexual sweet spot”) the glans is the most physically sensitive part of the male body;
  • Foreskin: in uncircumcised men can play a key role in stimulation for both him and her. It’s filled with sensitive receptors that turn him on and when retracted makes a wider ridge that some women refer to as a “G spot stimulator”;penis-2
  • Shaft: consists of three cylindrical spheres of soft tissue – the two larger spheres make up the corpus cavernosum which rapidly fills with blood during erection, held there by a system of valves until ejaculation;
  • Scrotum: the left side typically hangs lower than the right as descends first during birth. Both testicles are contracted in when cold and during sex for protection;
  • Perineum: between the scrotum and anus is filled with nerve ending and erectile tissue that swells with blood during arousal;
  • Anus:the entrance, like the perineum is full of sensitive nerve endings;
  • Prostate gland: a walnut sized gland below the urinary bladder that produces the white sticky fluid which forms most of the volume of semen. Also referred to as the male g spot can be stimulated through anal touch or massaging of the perineum;
  • Buttocks, gluteus and abdominal muscles: often tight with tension.

 

A combination of physiological and psychological factors results in the male compulsion to protect or guard the entire pelvic region. By opening up and engaging the entity of this pleasure zone you can enjoy a heightened “out of body” sexual and sensual experienced.

 

To learn all about what really turns men on keep reading Passionista – The empowered Women’s guide to Pleasuring a Man.


Sex after kids

Sex After Kids: Where Has My Libido Gone? Juliet Allen

Most parents are familiar with the drill: we fall pregnant and are over the moon that we will be inviting a new soul into our lives … we give birth and our bodies are filled with feel good hormones and love … our daily routine fast becomes all about the newborn member of the family … we spend hours lovingly gaze into our baby’s eyes and, for a month or two, everything is absolutely perfect. And then it hits us, where the hell did our rocking sex life go?

 

It’s a common and understandable challenge that many couples experience when they enter parenthood; the loss of libido and drive for the sex that once was. Let’s face it, parenthood isn’t all glitz and glamour, parenthood is full on. Yes, it’s a magical time and, as a Mother, I wouldn’t change a thing … but the demands of sleepless nights, breastfeeding, changes in hormones etc really does shake things up … and at the end of the day, couples struggle to make time for intimacy and connection, let alone mind-blowing sex.

 

So, what to do? How can couples rekindle the romance with kids in the picture? And what happens when the sex disappears and libido hits rock bottom? Here’s a couple of hot tips to spice things up:

 

Make time for each other

 

When our baby first enters our lives, it’s natural to want to spend all our time nursing and holding it. I’m all for keeping our babies close to our hearts. But it’s also super important to do the same with our partner’s. Set aside a time each week to connect intimately … this may be as simple as ordering takeaway and turning off the tv, or perhaps getting a babysitter and heading out for a couple of hours in-between feeds. Prioritising time together is essential for great sex.

 

Communicate, communicate, communicate

 

Never stop communicating how you feel. It’s so easy to push issues under the rug, especially because sex can be a sensitive topic. But if you push them under the rug it will one day explode and you’ll realise you’re at rock bottom and haven’t had sex in months. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner for what you need and remember to listen to what they need too.

 

Make time for self-care

 

New parents barely take time to take care of themselves and often fall into the trap of living in their pyjamas because they’re so exhausted! Prioritise your health and wellbeing; get a massage, acupuncture, manicure, therapy, take a bath … whatever it is you do that means you’re putting yourself first and taking time out. Doing this ensures that you have energy for you and taking care of your own health and wellbeing is only going to impact your relationship and parenting in a positive way.

 

 

Juliet-allan

About Juliet

Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Sex Coach and Writer.  She has a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner which we love. Juliet is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true sexual nature and encourages everyone to explore and own their sexuality. Juliet Allen Website

 


She Comes First book review

Jack's Book Review – She Comes First by Ian Kerner

She Comes First is a book every heterosexual adult male needs to read. Most women still have so much to learn of their anatomy so it's no surprise us blokes have no idea - or in Ian’s words we’re “ill-cliterate".

 

Backed by great science yet written in a clever, witty and easy-to-read way this is a cover-to-cover gem that you'll be wanting to hand on to every bloke you know and care for, including your son and even Dad if that’s not too weird.

 

Renowned sex therapist and author Ian Kerner spells out what on reflection seems so clear - oral sex isn't just foreplay but coreplay. It’s simply the best way to lead a woman through the entire process of arousal time and time again whilst also prolonging one's own ecstasy - leading to such better orgasms for you both.

 

Includes a step-by-step guide and diagrams to ensure your partner always comes first. Brilliant. My (and now my wife's!) favourite book of all time. Enough said.