4 ways to increase the intensity of your orgasm – Isiah McKimmie

In the words of Isiah McKimmie – Sexologist

I have to be honest and say that sex was never really bad for me.

I’m lucky that I orgasm relatively easily – and I think my penchant for older men meant I chose lovers who had a pretty good idea of what they were doing.

That being said, I always felt like there might  be more to explore

My orgasms were good, but I wanted to know if they could be great. Put it this way – I hadn’t had any of Meg Ryan’s ‘When Harry Met Sally’ moments of off-the-charts pleasure.

So when I first ‘discovered’ Tantra, it was like finding the key to Pandora’s box.

There really was more and ‘great’ orgasms really did exist!

Through Tantra, I learnt about whole body orgasms, orgasms that last for 15 minutes and that Tantrikas (people who practice Tantra) can have orgasms without even touching each other.

Always the diligent student, I threw myself into exploring this new world.

Although I don’t always have – or want – whole body orgasms, or sex for hours on end, Tantra provides some pretty impressive tools for increasing intensity and enhancing the enjoyment of sex.

So, without further ado – here are 4 ways to intensify your orgasm tonight.

1. Increase the time you spend in foreplay

The most common reason women fail or struggle to reach orgasm is that we don’t spend enough time in foreplay.

Women’s bodies go through complex changes in order to prepare for sex and these changes take time. Women require at least 15 minutes of foreplay for their bodies to be fully ready for penetration sex.

Before we have sex, the complex networks of erectile tissue in our vulvas need to fill with blood and become engorged. As this happens, our sensitivity, and therefore our ability to feel pleasure, increases.

Spending adequate time in foreplay will not only increase the likelihood of you having an orgasm, it will increase the intensity of that orgasm. This is true for both men and women.

2. Try Edging

If you haven’t heard of edging yet, it’s the ancient secret of Tantric Sex, that’s taking the internet by storm.

Essentially, in edging, you move towards orgasm, but as you get close, rather than going over the edge, you back off, before building up again and repeating the cycle.

By prolonging our pleasure, we also increase the intensity of the orgasm when we do orgasm.

Tantra practice teaches robust, in-depth techniques for this, however, you can start by backing off and taking some deep breaths as you come close to orgasm. 

Try approaching orgasm 3-4 times before allowing yourself to go fully over the edge.

As you back off and build up sexual energy builds, leading to a more intense, powerful orgasm when it does happen.

3. Breathe Deeply

The depth of our breath is directly related to our ability to feel. When the breath is shallow, and the body is tense and tight, we don’t feel as much as when we are relaxed and breathing deeply.

Deep breathing also calms our minds and slows our thoughts. Many women find it difficult to ‘switch off’ and be in the moment during sex. They often find themselves listing all the things they still have to do in their heads. Sound familiar?

Try engaging in deep breathing as you begin sex. This should help to bring you into your body and into the moment – so you can focus on pleasure and enjoyment.

In addition, as we approach orgasm, the breath often becomes shallow and we can even hold our breath completely. Instead, try to focus on taking deep breaths helping to relax the body. In turn, increasing the intensity in your orgasm.

4. Sound

Sound is energy. And sex is all about energy.

Often, we learn to have sex quietly (out of embarrassment or simple consideration for our neighbours) but when we’re holding back sound, we’re also holding back the flow of energy – and therefore pleasure.

Did you know that sound is a key factor in male multiple orgasm, taught through Tantra?

I’m not suggesting being fake or inauthentic with your moans and groans. I’m talking about letting out the sounds that are pure and authentic for you.

Next time you’re being pleasured by your partner, show your appreciation through your sounds of enjoyment and encouragement. Start as small or as quiet as you need and gradually explore what your authentic sounds are. Practice making these sounds to build your confidence and to allow yourself to embrace them.

We’re biologically wired to be turned on by the sounds of sex, so hearing moans of pleasure can heighten the turn on of both you and your partner.

Isiah McKimmie is a Couples Therapist, Sex Therapist, Sexologist + Coach who has been helping women and couples discover deeper intimacy and desire for over a decade.  Compassionate, understanding and absolutely non-judgemental, she’s built her reputation on getting results and helping her clients live happier lives.